The Edit Suite: Worst FPS levels

Water Hazard - proof that Valve isn't infallible.

Half Life 2—and I’m speaking from a position of reverence for Valve’s universe—contains more than a few clunky moments that critics tended to airbrush on first play. Highway 17′s vehicle sections can prove frustrating, but Water Hazard in particular fails to stand up to scrutiny. Whilst the shore-based set pieces are passable, the airboat sequences are monotonous at best, complimented by a handling model that dismisses the concept of inertia in favour of karting-grade traction. On water.

Don’t get me wrong, I was never expecting a war-torn version of Wave Race (although that might restore my faith in Nintendo) but there are better ways to alleviate a lengthy journey than forcing players to lurch clumsily between barrels. Valve apologists may well protest that such laboured progression is immersive, but the truth of the matter is that Water Hazard always felt like filler material – we were just too blinded by the glint of those pretty ripples to realise at the time.

But it’s hardly as if that particular scenario is unique. Vehicle handling within a shooter engine will retain its own special circle of hell until somebody finally invests the time and money to get it right. Oddly enough, however, that’ll be a day I greet with both gratitude and disappointment.

Vehicles in a badly designed game? One word - magic.

The reason for this is simple – bad design can be brilliant. The opening two hours of a pre-patch Boiling Point was an experience those lucky enough to “enjoy” will never, ever, forget. It was terrible, it was amazing. It had floating animals and instant-death foliage. Cars disappeared, guns followed suit or pointed backwards. It was atrocious, but it provided entertainment that few other games can ever hope to come close to. It was a Jason Statham movie in interactive form.

Haze, while not above the odd competent shooting section, contained within its overblown frame vehicle sections so bad they were terrifically entertaining. You want your tank to be able to fall off a cliff and survive? We have you covered. You want the same vehicle to get stuck on a pebble at the side of the road? Jump in. Enjoy the feeling of sliding laterally through a desert as if on ice, but stopping on a dime when feathering the brakes? Korn would like to make your acquaintance.

Power-jumping off a twig in Haze.

It’s those moments, for better or worse, that often stick in the memory long after the virtues of any game have been surpassed by a successor. As Cortana winds up, every passing sphincter may mark that transition back to the cool air of playability. But is clean oxygen what we really want all of the time? I’m not so sure.